To me, Bruce was more than my best friend's father. He was like a father to me too. Looking back on how engaged he was with us, how much he planned activities and played--he was an amazing dad to Michelle...and to me. I wish I was as good of a mother as he was a father.
As a teacher he had his summers off. And luckily I got to tag along with him and Michelle. He signed us up for cooking classes, reading contests at the library, Tom Sawyer day camps, diving lessons. He took us swimming and to the park. We went on walks and we got to choose whether it was a junk walk or a nature walk. We'd take a bag--gathering tinfoil, glass and bottle caps for "junk" or nuts, leaves and buckeyes for "nature". These were amazing treasure hunts.
My favorite memory is when he turned a refrigerator box into a clubhouse. In the family garage he laid down scrap carpet and put the box on top. Somehow he created 2 rooms in our clubhouse. He cut out doors and windows. He added a lightbulb through the box ceiling to light up the inside. He then gave us an enormous bucket of crayons and told us to decorate our house. So we spent days giving it brightness and color. We loved that clubhouse so much.
He loved to make us laugh. I remember him tucking us in during sleepovers. We would have staring contests to see who Bruce could make laugh first. Michelle would usually lose. No one could make her laugh harder than Bruce. Isn't laugher such a beautiful expression of love?
But he wasn't always easy on us. There were times he would catch us being mischievous. I remember one time he walked me home telling me he was disappointed in me. It was awful. On vacation we got caught coming home past curfew once and we were grounded. But we had so much respect for him that these were huge teaching moments. He made us better people.
He was a teacher and a coach at Atherton High School. As a kid I would go to his games but I didn't realize how much he impacted and inspired his team. Now I'm hearing story after story about how he shaped their lives. It's rather awe-inspiring.
As an adult I was in a play and Bruce came by himself to watch the performance. I could hear him laughing in the audience. In retrospect it means so much to me that he wanted to be there to support me.
He also came to my wedding. Michelle was a matron of honor. By that time his symptoms were very prevalent--with Huntingtons your body becomes very jerky. I remember him walking back and forth by the dance floor waiting for the opportunity to dance with me. It is hard to admit but I was uncomfortable with the symptoms. I didn't know how we could dance. But when we did, he was able to dance without the movements and the whole time he happily told me about making a hole in one at his last golf game. Even in the midst of a horrible disease he found joy. I'm so glad we had that dance.
I wish I had gone to visit him more. He was so important to me growing up. I wish I was a better friend to Michelle who is now living with Huntington's. I know we all do the best we can. But I just haven't quite learned how to deal with anticipatory grief--knowing something awful is happening or will happen...and how to live with it every day...compartmentalizing the sad so it doesn't consume you. I tend to want to put my head in the sand and ignore the grief. To go away and pretend there is nothing there. This is a flaw in me. I'm going to do better.
So there he goes....teaching me again even in death.
Bruce, coach, dad....we will all miss you so much. We are all better for knowing you and your loving spirit. RIP Bruce Veneklase--love you so much.
