A piece of my past life that I will always miss is the up-close diversity of my ex-husband's family. David had 2 siblings who were adopted. My brother and sister in law were black. I had this dream that my children would grow up unaware of any difference beyond what makes us all diverse and human.
Sometimes I joke and say "I must have been a black lesbian in a past life" because the issue of discrimination is such a hot button issue for me. There is nothing that makes me more angry than the injustice of people judged by color or sexual identity. I poke fun at myself about the depth of anger I feel about this issue because it really runs deep....more deeply than my personal life or experience could provide adequate context.
I took a personality test once during some career counseling--Myers Briggs--which indicated I was an ENFP. Apparently this personality type has a real issue with perceived injustice because of a strong values system. I can see this about me. I cry over things that are wrong. Over people that are hurt. Injustice makes me want to scream.
An example of my deep-felt sense of "fair" is my feeling about a really popular church in town. I have many friends who attend this church and love it. The speaking is good, the music is amazing. The church does do terrific things in the community. I know they give back through service and donations in massive ways. I, however, have sad feelings about it because of a perceived injustice toward others. It is not so much anger...but truly hurt.
When I moved back to Louisville having just left an advertising career, I was familiar with the cost of different media buys. Soon after I became a resident and got my voter ID, there was a billboard campaign that was funded by the church regarding the "Marriage Amendment". "One Man + One Woman=Marriage" on billboards throughout Louisville. I knew how expensive this billboard campaign was. These Billboards were on major, well-traveled thoroughfares throughout the city. I'd say it was over a six-figure investment.
There are over 13,000 homeless children in public schools. And a church was spending money on a political campaign to prevent two loving people from committing to each other for life? I just couldn't get over it. I knew too much. It was money that could have fed children. I think a modern-day Jesus would have spray painted the billboards to make a point. The road to hell is paved with "good intentions". To this day I just think it was wrong to promote something that points to the differences of others as bad. I think that is discrimination.
All of that said, I feel passionately about equality for all. People should just love each other. We should love ourselves so that we don't project our own self hatred on the people around us in the form of racism or homophobia. If we truly love ourselves, we don't care what other people look like or what they are doing. I am not a psychologist so I can't explain the "whys" about it...but have you noticed that the most confident, peaceful people project love onto most everyone? It just seems whatever you use to fill up your cup--love or hate--that is the overflow that spills out onto others.
I believe it all begins with our kids. I have had very lengthy conversations with my daughter about what I think is right or wrong. And one time she said to me "Mom, why would anyone care who someone else loves. God is love. He wants us to love." And her feelings on love go beyond sexual orientation. She thinks racism is evil. And that evil is cruelty to women. And children. And animals. And the environment.
The first person to visit my daughter after she was born was my brother in law, Joshua. She was born at 4:39 am and he was holding her at 7:30 am. He loved his tow-headed niece so much and had her picture on his desk at Humana where he worked. Joshua died suddenly at age 30 of a heart condition. Meaghan was almost 3. A few months after he passed away, Meaghan was standing in her crib pulling on her hair.
Meaghan: "Mommy, I have curly hair right?"
Me: "Yes, you do"
Meaghan: "I have curly hair just like my Uncle Josh"
Me: "Yes, you have your uncle Josh's curly hair"
Children see the similarities. Not the differences. Just like Nelson Mandela said "love comes naturally"....but we have to nurture this and teach love.
This is my post to honor Nelson Mandela. It may be a bit scattered but ultimately I just hope to see more love in the world and I appreciate his example. RIP Nelson Mandela. Thank you for what you gave us.
