Happy Birthday Joshua

I have really hard pregnancies. They are really painful....to the point where I actually look forward to labor.Yeah--I said it.

 So it took a lot of convincing to decide to have a second child.  For many reasons when I found out I was pregnant there were mixed emotions. I had had a very early miscarriage the month before. I was afraid of another. But Joshua was wanted...I was just scared. So when I found out I had a viable pregnancy I went straight out and bought him several  baby outfits. This was my way of honoring that he was real.

But then we went in for a nuchal translucency test at about 11weeks. Part of this includes a very extensive ultrasound. The doctor came in and told us that the bladder was enlarged. At this stage of a pregnancy--you are not even supposed to see a bladder in the fetus. He explained that it could be the baby prepping to go to the bathroom--or that there was a blockage in the bladder. It only happens in boys. I knew i had a son.

This was overwhelmingly frightening for me. If the answer was  B--this was incredibly dangerous and rare. I knew it was very serious when my OB called and said "this is very disconcerting". My OB never said anything like that.

The specialist agreed to allow me to come back in a week to have another ultrasound. If the bladder was still enlarged we knew there was a problem. It was a very rough week. When the day arrived I drove to my brother-in-law's grave. It may sound strange but I loved my brother in law, Joshua, so much and I figured he was my closest connection to God. So I talked to Joshua and said "hey--I'm going to name this kid after you. If you have any sort of "pull" with the big guy...do you mind doing a little asking for me and your nephew?"

And then I went to get the ultrasound. The bladder was a normal size. My son just had to "go". And to this day he always has to go. Some things never change. Writing this actually gives me a new-found patience for those "accidents" when we just don't have the time to run to the bathroom. I mean--spiderman doesn't really have to "go" does he?

So after this relieving and amazing news, I went right out to the most expensive boutique in town and bought a ridiculously expensive outfit for him to wear home from the hospital. Clearly I have shopping therapy issues. He also pretty much peed in it almost immediately. Oh well. That's my boy.

Joshua may be the strongest willed child I know. He has fiery red hair and a temperament to match. He is the family clown and loves to make people laugh.  But he is also my little love. I will never forget when I was tucking him in one night and he said " You are my beautiful princess". Heart. stop. right. there. Forget dating....I have the best man around. Moms and their sons.  I can kind of see how those crazy moms in movies go all nuts when their sons get engaged. I think no male can love you as purely and innocently.

It is my understanding that it is this love that gets you through the potty training (world of difference boys versus girls!), the body odor, the sneaking out, the ultimate separation of when he becomes a man and no longer cuddles with mommy.

Sometimes I look at him and wonder "what will he look like when he grows up"? I try to picture him as a man with flaming red hair and the twinkling in his eyes. And then I think that his strong will will take him to huge places. That I bet he will be fearless. And the biggest personality in the room.

But he will always be "my little love".

A Woman, Her Minivan and a Turtle

There is a moral to this story.

So one lovely Saturday morning, I was driving down Lexington Road toward Grinstead in my cool Minivan with kids buckled and boostered. I am nearing the intersection traffic light when I notice a small turtle in the middle of the road...clearly frightened and facing imminent death.

Being of sound mind and body, I realize that it is up to me to save this turtle from an untimely demise.

So, on this usually very busy road, which just happens to be quiet at the moment, I throw the car into park and bark at my children to remain in their seats (CPS would love this but I at least locked the car). I get out of the car and run toward the helpless animal when I begin to recognize that this turtle is larger than I thought. (Darn minivan making creatures look all innocent from several stories up)

So I quickly approach this creature, prepared for a quick grab and drop at the curb, when all of sudden this thing LUNGES at me. Not just lunges--but its neck stretches out like ugly, mean ET, it opens its mouth and HISSES...loudly. This thing was straight out of The Exorcist.

I was so freaked out that I jumped. My glasses flew right off of my face and landed beneath the turtle. No joke. And seriously people--without my glasses I am legally blind. So there I am. Legally blind. Cars now starting to pass me--slowly of course, staring and thinking (I'm sure), "who is that crazy lady" standing in the middle of the road with that nasty snapping turtle. (yeah...that would be me)

So I run toward the fuzzy outline of my van and open the trunk grabbing my REALTOR Open House sign. And yes, it doubles as a weapon in a time of need. I charge at the turtle, fearlessly yelling, holding my sign like a sword in hopes of scaring this this thing off my damn glasses.

And there begins the fencing match. I thrust forward to the right side. It hisses, pivots and lunges. I repeat on the left side. It pivots, hisses, lunges. And not only has the street become really busy, but I am acutely aware that I have small children wondering what the hell their mother is doing. Can you say..."Safety Violation"?

FINALLY, this thing lunges"off" my glasses. With the metal spike of the sign, I scrape them away from the turtle's underbelly, swipe them up and jump back into the car--the whole time thinking "I hope you die turtle". I didn't realize I was cursing aloud about my newfound hatred of turtles until my daughter starts screaming and sobbing  "you cannot judge all turtles based on the actions of one".

And the worst part of it. My glasses smelled like turtle poo.

The moral. Snapping turtles are evil and do not care if you want to save them. They will eat you given the chance which is why you should focus on the safety of your children and yourself first.

The end.

The Penguin Project

It seems like everyone has a blog these days. I think I need one too. My midlife crisis not only comes with skim milk, but vanity. and coffee. and an occasional Chardonnay.

So I just did my first school project with my daughter. I have a genius for a child. She tells jokes now that go over my head. She is seven. I'm feeling panicky about the next couple of decades. How long can I fake that I know more than her?

Guess its time to throw out the trashy romance, vampire brain candy, self help and buy an encyclopedia. At least a thesaurus.

I was so nervous about her first school project I think I gave myself an ulcer. But she had everything under control.

So how does this relate to a mid-life crisis? I don't know. The penguins were tough...physics will land me in a hospital. Am I old enough to be doing school projects with my child. Clearly yes. It was fun though...playing with cardboard and glitter and clay.

I think I want my own penguin project. Except that I will call it the "create a diorama of what a clean house looks like". But that's a whole other blog post.

Peace.