In Joshua's Words

"Mom, we like you.

 You cook us breakfast. You make us do chores. You tuck us in at night. That makes a good mom".


Then carefully pulling my eyeglasses off my face he says..


"here...take off your glasses. You look better without them".

bedtime, toothpaste and candles

I miss bedtime when I could light a candle and pull out a book of poetry to read until I was too tired to focus. I would go to bed inspired and ready to work on my creative side the next day. In that quiet space I would somehow feel like I would be a better person in the morning.

As I write right now, I hear my son opening and shutting his door for attention. I hear him saying "but mommy I want mommy/joshy time". And I just finished tucking my daughter into bed crying because I spent so much time putting josh down (almost tying him to the bed) that I missed out on mother/daughter ghost hunters night. Don't judge please. Whether it be the fact my daughter and I are both intrigued by the idea of ghosthunting or that both my children are vying for my attention.

When my divorce happened I was forced to begin again. I had to recreate myself financially. And the beautiful luck is that I have an array of amazing clients/friends who are entrusting me with some of the biggest financial and life choices they can make...buying and/or selling their homes. And i really love every moment of it. I get to dream about their lives with them and help make it happen. What an honor.

And I also have to pay the mortgage and health insurance and school tuition. And clothes for children that fit for about 10 seconds it seems.

But I am missing out on the dreams of my kids. And I know that is most important. Those women who fought for equality...well, yeah I'm glad they did it. But we can't have it all. That old commercial..."I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan..."...well, I'd like to take that pan to that woman in pearls and knock her fantasy self head-first into the bacon grease. Cold of course.

I can hear my son singing in his room " mommy...my teeth are all shiny...do you want to come see". It is 10:46 pm. "He is saying "mommy I need to tell you something...I want you to see my teeth and smell them, please say yes".

I just told him if he would climb into bed...I would come see him in 5 minutes. Enough time to take a little time to write, to journal, to spill my guts that I am doing the best I can but somehow it is not good enough.

So here is my plan for the summer.

I will not work on Friday afternoons. I am putting an "adventure" into an envelope and thats what I am doing with my kids. I might even turn off my phone as frightening as it might be. But somehow I am hoping that my clients appreciate that and the value of putting children first.

On the Saturdays I have the children I will devote the majority of my time to playing with them. I may have to work some in the mornings but I am dedicating my time to them...even if it costs me some business. Maybe I'll get a partner.

So there I am. Hold me accountable friends. I can't have everything or do everything but I think I can do better.  My children really are my current-day candles and my poetry and I need inspiration in their laughter and happiness. I know I will feel like a better person for the next day.

And now I am off to smell bubblegum fresh teeth.