Monday is surgery day. A long time coming and definitely necessary but if I'm being completely honest, I'm not quite ready. I procrastinated for two years and finally came to the conclusion that it was time to let go and look ahead.
Having talked to a number of women I think feelings of grief are perfectly normal. I think many of us, from toddler years onward, dream of being mommies. And how blessed am I to have realized those dreams with the most incredible of little people who challenge, fascinate and inspire me everyday?
"You should not have this surgery if you want more children" the Doctor said two years ago when I still wasn't ready to let go...
hazy reverie of an intact family, maybe a third little one...an easy-happy nine months of love, support, collective excitement
As recently as winter I pondered the possibility with someone. From a pure rationality perspective for all involved I knew it was a risk...but for a minute I believed in the magic of possibilities. That brief hope sadly faded with the season. But that ending did bring clarity. I embraced where I was with the best people in the world who need me at my very best. And called the doctor.
So I will probably shed a few more tears, maybe indulge a few angry thoughts for vacuous promises, love on my babies and get excited about Phase 2 of my life.
Here's to the second half...
