The good news is that I have more time on my hands. And I can use more time. More time to go to the grocery. More time to clean, Exercise. Write. So here is my first post...I'm back on the chain gang of writer wannabes. I love us.
Looking back over the past 2 years I think someday I will write a book. How to survive being a single, self-employed parent. Don't you hate how one of the best ways to learn is through mistakes? Rewind buttons would be nice. But I did some things well too. So here is advice based on both categories. I will separate them for purposes of "don't make this mistake" and "this is a great idea". There ain't no "EASY" button for this life.
Mistakes I made and the learnings thereafter.
- Take time for yourself. Schedule appts with you. If you arent happy....your kids aren't happy.
- If you see a leak on your ceiling, don't pretend it is paint peeling and stick your head in the sand. Take care of your house. You can figure out the money later.
- Limit yourself to 2 top shelf margaritas from El Mundo (at least if you are over 38).
- If you throw a complete temper tantrum in front of your kids and throw a toy, sit down on the bed and start laughing. Laughing at yourself and saying "I'm sorry" teaches your kids to do the same. All single parents throw things at least once. This is a single mom secret that I'm letting out of the bag.
- Lower your expectations of yourself. You can only do so much. And those who judge you have their own failures....they are looking at you so they don't have to look at themselves.
- Take care of whats important. If people expect too much from you, you just have to maintain boundaries. Those who are true friends will understand. You can't always be the best friend when you have kids and a mortgage to focus on. It is life as you now know it.
- Say "no".
- Maintain a good relationship with your ex. (and both parties have to be willing) But you are no longer married and you both love your kids. You no longer have to live with what made you a crazy person. I don't care how mad you were at the end of the divorce...get over it. While seeing their parents get along may confuse the kids a bit ("why aren't you still married?")...this confusion is infinitely better than seeing anger/hatred. The decision to be a friend to your ex-spouse, no matter what, is one you make in advance and commit to. Do it for the kids.
- Cry in front of your kids. They learn compassion and empathy. They also learn it is ok to cry. Reinforce this to your son over and over. He will hear different things throughout his life. Get to him first.
- Present a positive front. Even when you want to climb into the fetal position....say something positive. Fake it until you make it. I'm not saying don't cry when you need to cry. But the energy you put out there will circle back around to you.
- When you have a bad day, drive through Starbucks and buy the person behind you coffee. It can turn the day around.
- Fold your laundry as soon as you take it out of the dryer or your cats will find a way to pee on it.
- Schedule time for yourself. I think I learn this and then I make this mistake again and I get lost. I need constant reminders--thus, this message fits into 2 categories.
- Go to the grocery and carry healthy snacks everywhere. You will forget to eat and start going to drive-throughs constantly. Dear fast-food Gods...will you please make a healthy fast food drive-though? Too many posers out there. I blame you for 10 lbs.
- Play with your kids. I need to learn to play with legos and dinosaurs.
- Drink water. Dehydration causes fatigue. Who knew?
- Ask for help. It isn't shameful. It is necessary. And most people feel good about helping others.
