Happy Birthday Joshua

I have really hard pregnancies. They are really painful....to the point where I actually look forward to labor.Yeah--I said it.

 So it took a lot of convincing to decide to have a second child.  For many reasons when I found out I was pregnant there were mixed emotions. I had had a very early miscarriage the month before. I was afraid of another. But Joshua was wanted...I was just scared. So when I found out I had a viable pregnancy I went straight out and bought him several  baby outfits. This was my way of honoring that he was real.

But then we went in for a nuchal translucency test at about 11weeks. Part of this includes a very extensive ultrasound. The doctor came in and told us that the bladder was enlarged. At this stage of a pregnancy--you are not even supposed to see a bladder in the fetus. He explained that it could be the baby prepping to go to the bathroom--or that there was a blockage in the bladder. It only happens in boys. I knew i had a son.

This was overwhelmingly frightening for me. If the answer was  B--this was incredibly dangerous and rare. I knew it was very serious when my OB called and said "this is very disconcerting". My OB never said anything like that.

The specialist agreed to allow me to come back in a week to have another ultrasound. If the bladder was still enlarged we knew there was a problem. It was a very rough week. When the day arrived I drove to my brother-in-law's grave. It may sound strange but I loved my brother in law, Joshua, so much and I figured he was my closest connection to God. So I talked to Joshua and said "hey--I'm going to name this kid after you. If you have any sort of "pull" with the big guy...do you mind doing a little asking for me and your nephew?"

And then I went to get the ultrasound. The bladder was a normal size. My son just had to "go". And to this day he always has to go. Some things never change. Writing this actually gives me a new-found patience for those "accidents" when we just don't have the time to run to the bathroom. I mean--spiderman doesn't really have to "go" does he?

So after this relieving and amazing news, I went right out to the most expensive boutique in town and bought a ridiculously expensive outfit for him to wear home from the hospital. Clearly I have shopping therapy issues. He also pretty much peed in it almost immediately. Oh well. That's my boy.

Joshua may be the strongest willed child I know. He has fiery red hair and a temperament to match. He is the family clown and loves to make people laugh.  But he is also my little love. I will never forget when I was tucking him in one night and he said " You are my beautiful princess". Heart. stop. right. there. Forget dating....I have the best man around. Moms and their sons.  I can kind of see how those crazy moms in movies go all nuts when their sons get engaged. I think no male can love you as purely and innocently.

It is my understanding that it is this love that gets you through the potty training (world of difference boys versus girls!), the body odor, the sneaking out, the ultimate separation of when he becomes a man and no longer cuddles with mommy.

Sometimes I look at him and wonder "what will he look like when he grows up"? I try to picture him as a man with flaming red hair and the twinkling in his eyes. And then I think that his strong will will take him to huge places. That I bet he will be fearless. And the biggest personality in the room.

But he will always be "my little love".